Wednesday, April 12, 2017


Have I mentioned I was a fan of Harry Potter?
That I am fond of all things fantastic?

Recently I saw the movie derived from 'Fantastic beasts and Where to Find Them'. It rekindled my love for all things Harry potter/J.K. Rowling.

I love the way this author uses magical metaphors to paint the miseries and grandeur of the mind.

The Obscurus struck me as one more powerful image of what goes on in our poor, tormented souls, sometimes. This parasite grows from the suppressed/repressed magical forces of a witch or wizard.
The unfortunate sorcerer, for whatever reasons fate or foolishness or simply Life imposed on him/her, tries to cancel what is in him/her.Thus creating a huge, dark force that he/she can't control.

Such is the way our mind works, it seems to me. The worries and fears we have, we try to suppress. When we do that, we can't cancel what triggers pain or fear, but we do create another power. We generate more fear, more worry, more stress.

I think I did that over the past months. Somehow. Hiding worries. Frustration. Anger. Sadness. Pretending. And developping what never existing inside me before...

What if...this suspicion of illness became really serious? What if I died? What if I started feeling really old? What if I stopped achieving anything good in my life?  What if there was no going back? What if I kept worrying like crazy? What if I kept postponing all the good things? What if I was really alone? What if I felt more and more listless and hopeless? What if it was too late? What if something bad really happened to the ones I love?

Did I become an obscurial? Not quite! :) But I developped bad things. Bad thoughts. Bad habits.

I started procrastinating. I got tired. Depleted. Nervous. I started watching stupid YouTube channels, just to ease my mind and be able to move on to the next day. I started blaming myself for too many things. Imagining worst-case scenarios. Worse than all, I started losing hope. And this all means the opposite of who I am.

These things form a vicious circle from which you suddenly realize you can't escape. From which feeling upset and frustrated becomes the rule. From which chronic pain and exhaustion get hold of you way too often.

But either you become an obscurial, or something clicks in your brain and you realize you're not on the right path anymore. And you change. Again.

I was born in spring. And spring has always been my favourite season. For me it is an eye-opener. A time when the senses awaken. When energy flows fast and merrily.

I have realized what things were missing in my life at the moment. What I needed to do to make things better. Well, kind of...That I needed to really take care of myself. Because noone will do that better than me. Because I too deserve to be pampered and taken care of. Because everything is possible, as soon as you believe again. Because it starts with baby steps. One dream at a time.

Because no kid on earth wants an exhausted, sad mom. Right?

And also because after all, you get what you focus on.


  1. Ah yes. We JUST saw this movie last weekend! And you are right, that is not you! Not the true you. I'm not surprised to hear you were born in the spring. Your natural self radiates newness and light and hope. But all of us do drift into those thought patterns and the cloudy fearfulness they bring with them. I've been thinking lately about the heliotropic effect -- the idea that all living things naturally gravitate towards positive and good energy, even plants leaning toward the sun. I think it is evidence of our true nature and true inward selves -- that we lean towards light and hope. I'm so sorry for the dreariness you've been slogging through. We've all been there for sure. And so proud of you for fighting back against it and pulling yourself higher -- grasping more firmly to the YOU that radiates light that I've seen even across the internet from a country away!

    1. You are a true friend Nancy! Of all things, I love that you always mean so well, in your words and intentions. You truly are a good person :)
      And that's right, we all naturally lean towards the sun and crave positive energy, I do like your idea that it is a sign of our deep nature.